I never sought validation from others when it came to my writing. It was the one thing that got me through my angsty teenage phase when I had no sense of self-worth, when I felt alone even in the comfort of good company, and when I was too afraid to show vulnerability. Everything I wrote was rooted from pain, anxiety, and numbness, which in turn planted the idea that it was destroying instead of healing me.
I stopped because I felt that my mind was an unsafe space, and to explore it further was to trap myself in a loop of self-destruction. But I realize that writing was my way of getting to know myself in the most impeccable, raw, and unfiltered fashion, and I see that now because I lost sight of who I was the moment I stopped my mind from transmitting all these beautifully complex thoughts through my fingertips.
Expressing myself through written words may have brought to light my most problematic issues and imperfections, but it also exposed me to one of the purest, most valuable assets to have – vulnerability, and that’s a beautiful thing.
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I usually leave this kind of stuff to my personal writing blog, but I want this to be a reminder of why I started this creative space as a content creator in the first place. My love for fashion and beauty was obviously my main motivation for creating Simple Stylings, but the underlying reason was to feed my unquenchable thirst to write. After years of merely writing about my favorite makeup products and the inspiration behind my outfits, I figured all of that wasn't enough. I needed to go back to really articulating my innermost thoughts about things that actually matter - like exploring my mind and getting to know myself. With that said, I'm certainly going to make an effort to start writing again because I think it's all I truly need right now.
Don't worry, this blog isn't about to turn into my anxiety-driven Tumblr page. I just wanted to let y'all know that the things I'm dealing with and care about lie way beyond the social media industry. If you do wanna keep up with my life outside the blogging sphere, there's a little section in my lifestyle tab where I'll frequently be adding "food for thought" entries on various topics [link].
Anyway, that's enough existential contemplation for today. I'll catch you in my next beauty-related post!
- Sonja Delicana